DEALING WITH TOXIC ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS- A BIBLICAL RESPONSE.

 

What does the Bible say about dealing with toxic / abusive people / relationships? 

Writer/Editor: Catiana N.K. 412 Teens.org

In an ideal world, we wouldn't ever have to deal with people who hurt us, but unfortunately, we live in a fallen world full of fallen people (including us!), so pain and hurt is going to happen at some point. We would hope that at least our family or Christian friends would always be an encouragement, but there's no guarantee of that either. No one is exempt from the influence of sin. Yes, Christians will struggle against sin too—and sometimes they allow it to get the best of them. Thus, toxic or abusive relationships are formed, and we occasionally wind up entangled within those terrible, unhealthy webs and cycles of behavior.

What defines a toxic or abusive relationship?

Abuse is defined as the act of mistreating or misusing just about anything, such as drugs, technology, trust, possessions—or people. Abusing things or people is a sin because it is, at the core, motivated by selfishness which results in horrendous consequences. When people are involved, the fallout can be radioactively toxic, such as damaged relationships, destruction of self-esteem, and painful emotional trauma that gets carried through the years. Toxic or abusive people tend to lash out in anger when things don't go how they want them to, and the innocent bystanders in their way suffer for it.

Whether the abuse is subtle and harder to see on the surface (e.g. emotional or spiritual abuse) or if it is out in the open, leaving physical evidence, all forms of abuse are just as wrong and just as destructive. Verbal attacks, criticism, favoritism, manipulation, deceit, threats, and withheld expressions of love are all just as hurtful as beating, pushing, pinching, fists, and fire. No abuse is ever OK, especially when it involves other people.

Everyone is guilty on some level of being abusive or toxic to others at some point—no matter what age, ethnicity, gender, or whatever. The potential to harm has to do with sin and our innate bent toward selfishness (Romans 3:23; Jeremiah 17:9). Those who have accepted the need for a Savior acknowledge that only Love Himself, Jesus Christ, can tame our selfishness, transforming it into real love (Romans 8:10). We have a responsibility to care for and love others—not cause harm (John 13:34; Exodus 22:22; Isaiah 10:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:6).

Step Back & Extend Forgiveness

If a person in your life is toxic to your mental, spiritual, or physical health, often the wisest decision is to put some distance between you and them. If the abuse is physical and/or you live with the person, you must seek help from trusted friends or family members right away for your own safety. (National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-Child or 1-800-422-4453)

In Galatians 4:7-10, the Apostle Paul admonishes the church for listening to someone who was spreading lies and shaking people's faith in God. He spoke pretty harshly upon the troublesome person too (Galatians 5:12). Paul goes on to say that love is the better option, but that distance may be necessary for "if you bite and devour one another," you may end up hurting each other a lot worse (Galatians 5:14-15).

Being angry and frustrated by a situation, relationship, or person is OK and perfectly healthy; that's our mind's way of alerting us to the fact that something is very wrong. If you're in a toxic environment, you do not need to "get used to it" or "just get over it." It is OK to distance yourself—even if you're still mad.

The key to making this distance work is to avoid indulging in your anger or bitterness—for both your sakes. In distancing yourself from the toxic relationship / person, you create space for empathy and forgiveness. When you forgive someone, you are not only offering them the gift of forgiveness, you are setting yourself free from holding onto a grudge. You exchange a heart of bitterness and anger for one focused on God's love. That said...

You are NOT required to be around someone who is toxic, even if they are a fellow believer!

The ability to truly forgive won't be immediate, especially when it's someone who has betrayed you in some way; forgiving those who have hurt us (or are currently hurting us) is never an easy process. But the distance can help your pain, hurt, anger, and frustrations calm down, allowing compassion and mercy to take their place. Give yourself the grace of time to heal—physically, emotionally, spiritually. Ask God to help you see them through His eyes so your future responses will be out of godly love rather than hate or fear.

Toxic relationships and situations can cause a lot of damage to our mental, spiritual, and physical health. Sometimes talking to a counselor can help sort out all the emotions you're going through and help you gain perspective and understanding about how to move forward. Seeking help is not a sign of weak faith or "giving up" on God's ability to heal you. Counseling could very well be a part of God's healing process for you.

To those who abuse others or create toxic relationships...

Abuse is never OK. Own up to the fact that you have been abusing or creating toxic relationships or environments for others. Only taking responsibility for your damaging behavior will break the abusive cycle and help you recover from whatever past or present pain is feeding into your own toxicity (Proverbs 28:13; Ephesians 4:31-32).

Seek forgiveness from God. Be honest with yourself and make no excuses. 1 John 1:8-9 says, "If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." When you ask God to forgive you, He promises to do so and give you a fresh start—no matter what has happened.

Seek help through pastoral or biblical counseling or through a small group of believers where loving relationships are fostered, where you can "bear one another's burdens" (Galatians 6:1-10). God will give you the strength to do as you are called to do—love one another as He loves us (1 John 1:9).

If possible, seek reconciliation with those whom you have hurt (Hebrews 12:14), but be aware that they may not be ready to forgive you or feel safe around you for a long, long time. Give them space and whatever amount of time they need. They may never want to reconcile with you, but that is not something you can control. Their forgiveness is not required for you to make changes in your life, be forgiven by God, or move forward with a fresh start.

Healing from Abuse or Toxic Relationships

Psalm 147:3 tells us that God "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Only God's healing power can truly restore peace to a broken or traumatized heart. Unfortunately, many victims of abuse spend a lot of time waiting and hoping for the abuser to come and make amends to repair the damage they caused. Yes, it's important for the abuser to take responsibility for seeking reconciliation and forgiveness, but there is no guarantee that they ever will. They may not be aware of the damage they've done, or they may not care. But Jesus cares and promises to care for those in pain, especially kids (Mark 10:14-16).

Rest assured that the Lord Jesus cares for His brothers and sisters. He gave His life for you to show you how much He loves you (1 Peter 5:7). There is no way He will leave you without comfort, peace, healing—and vindication (John 10:11-15).

 Some final thoughts:

GOD DID NOT PUT  ME ON THIS EARTH TO TOLERATE MEN AND WOMEN OF LOW CHARACTER. IT IS NOT MY GOAL IN THIS LIFE TO HAVE EVERYONE LIKE ME. IF MY TELLING  THE TRUTH RUBS YOU THE WRONG WAY, THEN MAYBE YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS SOUL SEARCHING TO DO. I WILL INSTEAD DO WHAT GOD EXPECTS FROM ME  AND LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY WILL. I REFUSE TO ASSOCIATE WITH TOXIC PEOPLE JUST TO BE ON THEIR GOOD SIDE. INSTEAD I WILL DISTANCE MYSELF FROM THEM.

What does the Bible say about abuse?

 

Answer

The word abuse has taken many meanings over time. Immediately, most assume abuse involves anger or some form of physical violence. This is a simplistic and often misleading view of abuse. Anger is an emotion God gave us to alert us to problems. Righteous anger is not sinful and should not be associated with abuse. Anger mishandled can certainly lead to a sinful, abusive response, but it is a sinful heart, not the emotion of anger, that is the root cause of abuse.

The word abuse is used to describe the mistreatment or misuse of virtually anything. We speak of abuse of trust, drugs, institutions, and objects. These forms of abuse are sinful for the same reason that abuse directed at people is sinful. Such mistreatment is motivated by selfishness and results in damage and destruction. People abuse others for a variety of reasons, but selfishness underlies all abuse. We tend to lash out when things do not go our way.

Some abuse can be subtle. Emotional abuse can be difficult to detect because, on the surface, there is no observable evidence of the abuse, but that doesn’t mean the effects are any less painful or destructive. Examples of emotional abuse include verbal attacks, criticism, favoritism, manipulation, deceit, threats, and withheld expressions of love.

Anyone can be an abuser, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, or background. Victims of abuse can be ensnared in a cycle that is very difficult to break. Children have no responsibility for abuse suffered in childhood but often carry its effects into adulthood by repeating the patterns. Children need to be protected from abuse. Abusive parents are cursing their children rather than blessing them as they ought (Psalm 112:2; Proverbs 20:7).

The Bible regards abuse as sin because we are called to love one another (John 13:34). Abuse disregards others and is the opposite of this command. An abuser desires to satisfy his natural selfishness regardless of the consequences to himself or others. Several passages in the Bible strongly condemn taking advantage of or abusing others (Exodus 22:22; Isaiah 10:2; 1 Thessalonians 4:6).

Everyone is guilty of abuse at some level, because everyone falls short of God’s command to love others sacrificially. Only the love of Jesus in us can truly love others; therefore, real love only exists in those who have accepted Jesus as their savior (Romans 8:10).

Only Jesus can heal the wounds left by abuse (Psalm 147:3). Sadly, many hurting people are waiting for the abuser to come repair the damage he caused. While it is good for the abuser to take responsibility and make amends to those he hurt, it is Jesus who grants peace to those in pain. He is neither unaware nor apathetic to those who suffer, especially children (Mark 10:14-16). That should give us pause, knowing we are accountable for the suffering we cause to others. The Lord Jesus cares for His followers and has laid down His life to demonstrate His love for them (1 Peter 5:7). He will most assuredly comfort, vindicate, and heal them (John 10:11-15).

Believers need to own their abuse of others in order to break the cycle while receiving help to recover from past hurts. A safe place to do that is in pastoral or biblical counseling or in a small group of believers where people can help bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:1-10). The Lord will enable us to do what He called us to do, which is love one another as He loves us.

For Further Study

Love isn’t Supposed to Hurt by Christi Paul More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

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The philosophy of Jeet Kune Do

 

Bruce Lee – Jeet Kune Do

By Adam Weiss ·

If you want to grasp the revolutionary philosophy of Jeet Kune Do then you’ll want to read this article. JkD teaches its student to free from styles, patterns or molds. Places special emphasis in mastering the four ranges of combat. Real combat is alive and dynamic and the martial artist must get rid of useless techniques. After reading this article you should be able to use the Jeet Kune Do philosophy principles to grow as a martial artist and most important as a person. These principles apply not only to martial arts but to real life also.

Freedom from styles restrictions

Jeet Kune Do philosophy advocates the liberation from styles, patterns or molds. It states that the martial artist movements should be direct and simple. Bruce Lee was a firm practitioner of the kiss principle. He believed that the easy way is the right way. Placed special emphasis in the economic of movement and energy.

Concepts of Jeet Kune Do Real fight philosophy

Jeet Kune Do student should be trained in what Lee called the “Four ranges of combat” or the four fighting distances. Kicking, punching, trapping and grappling. One of the premises that Bruce Lee incorporated was combat realism. Only useful techniques in real fight situations should be learned. It is a must to get rid off the unnecessary.

Bruce Lee believed that real fights were alive and dynamic. Real Fights don’t follow and established pattern. Jeet Kune Do practitioner must train to adapt to any real life situation.

Philosophy of Jeet Kune Do fighting

fundamentals

After studying many martial arts styles and the mechanics of real combat. Bruce Lee stated a series of principles that the Jeet Kune Do student must follow:

The dominant and stronger hand should be the leading hand. Place your stronger side up front. Because the leading hand will perform a greater percentage of the work.

The best defense is a strong offense. Combine defense and attack into one action.

Avoid telegraphing your punches. Your attack should be unexpected surprising your opponent.

JKD student must be fluid like water. Follow Bruce Lee famous words “Empty your mind. Be formless, shapeless. Like water. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my friend!”

These are the fundamental principles of Jeet Kune Do philosophy. Liberation from styles and forms. The mastering of all the fighting distances to be a complete martial artist. And the observation that real fights don’t follow any established pattern. Take these principles and use them to express like and free individual, immune to the limitations imposed from martial arts styles.

Bruce Lee took the world of martial arts by storm. The philosophy of Jeet Kune Do was a revolution in its time. It was the next stepping stone in martial arts evolution. Its’ ideas and concepts have been adopted by the greatest martial artist of our time and gave birth to the new generation. Lets finish with the words of the great master ” Jeet Kune Do is just a name used, a boat to get one across, and once across it is to be discarded and not to be carried on one’s back”

The following are principles that Lee incorporated into Jeet Kune Do. He felt these were universal combat truths that were self evident and would lead to combat success if followed. The “4 Combat Ranges”in particular are what he felt were instrumental in becoming a “total” martial artist. This is also the principle most related to mixed martial arts.

JKD practitioners also subscribe to the notion that the best defence is a strong offence, hence the principle of “Intercepting”. Lee believed that in order for an opponent to attack someone they had to move towards them. This provided an opportunity to “intercept” that attack or movement.

The principle of interception covers more than just intercepting physical attacks. Lee believed that many non-verbals and telegraphs (subtle movements that an opponent is unaware of) could be perceived or “intercepted” and thus be used to one’s advantage. The “5 Ways of Attack” are attacking categories that help Jeet Kune Do practitioners organize their fighting repertoire and comprise the offensive portion of JKD. The concepts of Stop hits & stop kicks and simultaneous parrying & punching were borrowed from European Fencing and Wing Chun’s theory of simultaneous defending and attacking, and comprise the defensive portion of JKD. These concepts were modified for unarmed combat and implemented into the JKD framework by Lee. These concepts also complement the other principle of interception.

Be like water

Lee believed that martial systems should be as flexible as possible. He often used water as an analogy for describing why flexibility is a desired trait in martial arts. Water is infinitely flexible. It can be seen through, and yet at other times it can obscure things from sight. It can split and go around things, rejoining on the other side, or it can crash through things. It can erode the hardest rocks by gently lapping away at them or it can flow past the tiniest pebble. Lee believed that a martial system should have these attributes. JKD students reject traditional systems of training, fighting styles and the Confucian pedagogy used in traditional kung fu schools because of this lack of flexibility. JKD is claimed to be a dynamic concept that is forever changing, thus being extremely flexible. “Absorb what is useful; Disregard that which is useless” is an often quoted Bruce Lee maxim. JKD students are encouraged to study every form of combat possible. This is believed to expand one’s knowledge of other fighting systems; to both add to one’s arsenal as well as to know how to defend against such tactics.

Economy of motion

JKD students are told to waste no time or movement. When it comes to combat JKD practitioners believe the simplest things work best. Economy of motion is the principle by which JKD practitioners achieve “efficiency” describe in the three parts of JKD. Utilizing this principle conserves both energy and time. Energy and time are two crucial components in a physical confrontation that often leads to success if employed efficiently. In combat situations maximizing one’s energy is beneficial in maintaining physical activity. Likewise minimizing the time to execute techniques because of travelling less distance is beneficial in that the opponent has less time to react.

Stop hits & stop kicks

This means intercepting an opponent’s attack with an attack of your own instead of a simple block. JKD practitioners believe that this is the most difficult defensive skill to develop. This strategy is a feature of some traditional Chinese martial arts, as well as an essential component of European epée fencing. Stop hits & kicks utilize the principle of economy of motion by combining attack and defence into one movement thus minimizing the “time” element.

Simultaneous parrying & punching

When confronting an incoming attack, the attack is parried or deflected and a counter attack is delivered at the same time. Not as advanced as a stop hit but more effective than blocking and counter attacking in sequence. This is also practiced by some Chinese martial arts. Simultaneous parrying & punching utilizes the principle of economy of motion by combining attack and defense into two movements thus minimizing the “time” element and maximizing the “energy” element. Efficiency is gained by utilizing a parry rather than a block. By definition a “block” stops an attack whereas a parry merely re-directs an attack. Redirection has two advantages: It requires less energy to execute. It utilizes the opponents energy against them by creating an imbalance. Efficiency is also gained in that the opponent has less time to react to the nullification of their attack while having to worry about defending an incoming attack.

High kicks

JKD practitioners believe they should target their kicks to their opponent’s shins, knees, thighs, and mid section. These targets are the closest to the foot, provide more stability and are more difficult to defend against. However, as with all other JKD principles nothing is “written in stone”. If a target of opportunity presents itself, even a target above the waist, one could take advantage of the situation without feeling hampered by this principle. Maintaining low kicks utilizes the principle of economy of motion by reducing the distance a kick must travel thus minimizing the “time” element. Low kicks are also more difficult to detect and thus guard against.

The four ranges of combat

1        Kicking

2        Punching

3        Trapping

4        Grappling

Jeet Kune Do students train in each of these ranges equally. According to Lee, this range of training serves to differentiate JKD from other martial arts. Lee stated that most but not all traditional martial systems specialize in training at one or two ranges. Bruce Lee’s theories have been especially influential and substantiated in the field of Mixed Martial Arts, as the MMA Phases of Combat are essentially the same concept as the JKD combat ranges. As a historical note, the ranges in JKD have evolved over time. Initially the ranges were categorized as short or close, medium, and long range. These terms proved ambiguous and eventually evolved into their more descriptive forms although there may still be others who prefer the three categories.

Five Ways of Attack

Single Angle Attack (SAA)/Single Direct Attack (SDA). Is a single motion (Punch or Kick) which moves with no effort to conceal it, directly to the target on the most economical route. It can also be indirect, beginning on one line and ending on another. Such as a punch that starts to the stomach (mid line) and ends on the chin (high line). SAA is an attack that is launched from an unanticipated angle that is achieved by moving in such a way as to create an open line into which to strike.

Hand Immobilization Attack (HIA) and its counterpart Foot Immobilization attack, which make use of trapping/parrying to limit the opponent’s function with that appendage.

Progressive Indirect Attack (PIA). Simulating an attack to one part of the opponent’s body followed by attacking another part as a means of creating an opening.

Attack By Combinations (ABC). This is using multiple rapid attacks, with volume of attack as a means of overcoming the opponent.

Attack By Drawing (ABD). The goal when using attack by draw is to “draw” the opponent into a committed attack by baiting him into what looks like an exposed target, then intercepting his/her motion. One can execute a motion that invites a counter, then counter attack them as he takes the bait.

Three Parts of JKD

JKD practitioners believe that techniques should contain the following properties:

Efficiency – An attack that reaches its mark using the maximum amount of energy and applying it to a single point in the least amount of time.

Directness – Doing what comes naturally in a learned way.

Simplicity – Thinking in an uncomplicated manner; without ornamentation.

Centerline

The centerline refers to an imaginary line running down the center of one’s body. The theory is to exploit, control and dominate your opponent’s centerline. All attacks, defense and footwork are designed to preserve your own centerline and open your opponent’s. Lee incorporated this theory into JKD from Wing Chun. This notion is closely related to maintaining control of the center squares in the strategic game chess.

The three guidelines for centerline are:

The one who controls the centerline will control the fight.

Protect and maintain your own centerline while you control and exploit your opponent’s.

Control the centerline by occupying it.

Combat realism

One of the premises that Bruce Lee incorporated in Jeet Kune Do was “combat realism”. He insisted that martial arts techniques should be incorporated based upon its effectiveness in real combat situations. This would differentiate JKD from other systems where there was an emphasis on “flowery technique” as Lee would put it. Lee claimed that flashy “flowery techniques” would arguably “look good” but were often not practical or prove ineffective in street survival and self-defense situations. This premise would also differentiate JKD from other “sport” oriented martial arts systems that where geared towards “tournament” or “point systems”.

Lee felt that these systems were “artificial” and fooled its practitioners into a false sense of true martial skill. Lee felt that because these systems favoured a “sports” approach they incorporated too many rule sets that would ultimately handicap a practitioner in self-defense situations. He also felt that this approach to martial arts became a “game of tag” which would lead to bad habits such as pulling punches and other attacks; this would again lead to disastrous consequences in real world situations. Because of this perspective Lee utilized safety gear from various other contact sports to allow him to spar with opponents “full out”. This approach to training allowed practitioners to come as close as possible to real combat situations with a high degree of safety.

Donn Draeger world renown martial arts pioneer was the first Westerner to bring widespread attention to the often citedœ-do versus œ-jutsu controversy. Historically the “do” or way arts were based on the “jutsu” or technique arts without what was deemed “dangerous techniques”. The “do” arts such as Judo were thus seen as a “watered down” version of their “jutsu” counterparts such as Ju-jitsu, a combat-tested martial art, and thus considered a sport. Lee objected to these “sport” versions of martial arts because of this emphasis on combat realism.

JESUS GAVE US POWER OF ATTORNEY TO CAST OUT DEVILS & HEAL THE SICK IN HIS NAME!

 

What is divine healing?

Answer

Divine healing involves a supernatural act which resolves a physical, emotional or spiritual problem. In a Christian context, the supernatural element is God, many times through the agency of the Holy Spirit.

Non-Christian Views on Divine Healing

Most of the major world religions believe in some sort of supernatural healing. Islam uses Ruqya (incantations) to cure disease by countering black magic and casting out Jinn. Tibetan Buddhists employ Gso-wa Rig-pa, which includes elements of medicine, mantra and meditation. Those who hold to modern pantheism, such as New Age philosophy or cosmic humanism, use a wide variety of techniques from ancient religions and the occult.

The constant among all of these views of divine healing is the necessity of ritual. Healing, in the non-Christian religion’s view, requires a physical ritual to coerce a deity into action or to manipulate an impersonal healing force.

New Testament Divine Healing

Approximately one fifth of the Gospel narrative is devoted to Jesus’ healing ministry. At the start of His ministry, Jesus “went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people” (Matthew 4:23).

Later, when Jesus sent His twelve disciples out to preach the gospel, He gave them authority to heal the sick (Luke 9:1-2). After Jesus’ resurrection and ascension, the apostles continued healing many (Acts 5:12-16). Acts records a number of healings by Peter, John, and Paul (19:12; 28:8-9).

Christian Divine Healing Today

Concerning divine healing today, there are a couple different schools of thought. Some Christians believe the gift of healing (1 Corinthians 12:9) ceased along with the sign gift of tongues. This position is called cessationism. Other Christians believe all of the sign gifts are still in use today.

 We take the CONTINUATIONIST view because, we do believe that God is still “the LORD who heals” (Exodus 15:26). He has not lost His ability to heal, and His love for His people has not diminished. Divine healing may come through traditional medicine or through direct intervention by God in response to prayer. Or, if God wills, wholeness may not come until the ultimate healing in heaven. God is the Great Physician, and all healing, physical, emotional, and spiritual, belongs to Him.