With Dr. David Edgington - Abusive Wives

ABOUT DR. DAVID D. EDGINGTON'S BOOK

THE ABUSIVE WIFE

The wife is the “unexpected” abuser/reviler in a marriage. Biblically, the term “revile” speaks of the verbal aspect of mistreatment of others. It is a “non-contact” weapon in the arsenal of the bitter, controlling person. Both in society and in the Church, it is assumed that the husband is the one who reviles the wife, yet there is a growing trend where the opposite is the case. And this trend will continue to get worse as role confusion in marriage and relationships escalates in the modern world. Men in marriages where they are reviled feel alone, judged, and hopeless. Most men in this kind of marriage suffer silently since to openly admit this problem calls into question one’s masculinity. Being reviled is so painful and debilitating that most men seriously contemplate suicide. It is no wonder then, that the sin of “reviling” requires church discipline (1 Cor. 5:11; 6:10), yet how many churches practice this? This book is a must-read both for the husband living in a reviling marriage, but also for the Pastor who wishes to minister to his people according to the Scriptures. Drawing on his vast experience as a full-time Biblical Counselor, Dr. Edgington examines this pressing issue from both his experience in counseling husbands and wives, and also from the practical application of the Word of God. David D. Edgington, PhD is the founder and Executive Director of “Compassionate Counselors,” which is a Biblical Counseling ministry in Phoenix, Arizona. He is also an ordained Pastor since 1992 and is currently the Preaching Pastor at Christ’s Community Church in El Mirage, Arizona. For more information, please visit www.CompassionateCounselors.com

Dealing with an angry, brawling, or contentious wife requires patience, understanding, and effective communication. It's crucial to address the root causes of the conflict, encourage open dialogue, and seek professional help if needed. Avoid escalating the situation by remaining calm, listening to her perspective, and finding constructive solutions together. 

Here's a more detailed approach:

1. Understand the Root Cause:

• Listen Actively:

  When your wife is angry, make a conscious effort to listen to her complaints without interrupting or becoming defensive. Try to understand her perspective and the reasons behind her anger. 
• Identify Triggers:

  What specific situations or behaviors trigger her anger? Understanding these triggers can help you both address the issues more effectively. 
• Seek Professional Help:

  If the conflict is persistent and deeply rooted, consider seeking guidance from a marriage counselor or therapist. 

2. Communication Strategies:

• Choose the Right Time:

  Find a calm and private moment to discuss the issues, rather than trying to address them when emotions are high. 
• Use "I" Statements:

  Express your feelings and needs using "I" statements (e.g., "I feel hurt when..." instead of "You always..."). This can help avoid blame and defensiveness. 
• Be Respectful:

  Even when disagreeing, maintain a respectful tone and avoid personal attacks. This can help create a safe space for open communication. 
• Focus on Solutions:

  Rather than dwelling on the problem, work together to find solutions that address her concerns and improve the situation. 

3. Manage Your Own Emotions:

• Stay Calm:

  It's crucial to remain calm and composed, even when your wife is angry. Avoid escalating the situation by matching her anger. 
• Take a Break:

  If you feel overwhelmed or are struggling to stay calm, take a break from the conversation and return to it later when you're both feeling more composed. 
• Practice Self-Care:

  Engage in activities that help you manage your own stress and emotions, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends. 

4. Seek Support:

• Talk to a Trusted Friend or Family Member:

  .

  Sharing your experiences and seeking advice from someone you trust can provide valuable support and perspective. 
• Consider Marriage Counseling:

  .

  A qualified therapist can help you and your wife develop healthier communication patterns and conflict-resolution skills. 

5. Remember Love and Appreciation:

• Show Affection:

  Even when things are difficult, continue to show your wife affection and appreciation. Small gestures of love can go a long way. 
• Focus on the Positive:

  Make an effort to acknowledge and appreciate your wife's positive qualities and contributions to the relationship. 
• Be Patient:

  Changing negative patterns and building a stronger relationship takes time and effort. Be patient with your wife and with yourself as you work through these challenges.